ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
