when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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