you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
