Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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