He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
