We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
