whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
