She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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