he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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