He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Small penises have feelings too.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
