Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
