i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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