How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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