ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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