I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
