even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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