I smell stomach acid.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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