I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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