guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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