I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
