I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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