He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
