Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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