You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize