I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize