You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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