Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
