man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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