Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize