My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
