Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize