Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
