peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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