what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
