Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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