We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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