Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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