he told me I talked like a deaf person
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
