That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
