So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's never too late to be topless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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