Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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