I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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