my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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