I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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