Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
