shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
