I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
