1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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