Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize