i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
