AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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