My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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