WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize