i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
