forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
