he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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