I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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