Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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