When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
