I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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