So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
