i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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