just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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