I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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