i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize