It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
