I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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