Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
