I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My dick has a subreddit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
