Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
