We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize