it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
